An ultrasonic cry

As any ideas that happens to cross my mind to try to prove or find something that has already been proven and found. An illusion of this same world, of this same earth of this same life but with a bit of a change or two. My blue pen does the writing as I the writer can't express what is wrong, Normally I just switch off the lights and sleep but I'm tired of wasting my time sleeping, simply lying in bed as to refresh my vital processes. My mind is full of questions and is always inquiring and demanding answers.
A lot of tasks are to be done, one of those tasks is important while the others aren't that much. What does my mind choose as an objective for the day the less important stuff. While I still write here my thoughts are hitting each other, combining, shattering it is like a nuclear reactor inside my head. I don't know what I want anymore or am I just not sure....
What brought me to this part of my life, the success I had, was the guidance and will of god but then I was a faithful worshiper, Now I started drifting away and everytime I try to pull myself back the tide drags me back in.

I stopped having feelings I think, I stopped being who I am or has the universe changed. I can't depend and put my assumptions upon the change of the universe but I certainly can and as I am assuming depend on that it is me who have changed.
Feverish much, Painful stuff, usual laughs, I desperately need something, there is a thing missing and I seriously can't figure it out. I've lost something and I can't find it or surely I can't even look for it because I don't know what is it that I've had lost. An island of broken hopes and dreams there I stand at the shore with the fire burning out ashes and smoke yelling S.O.S but who can hear...